To the market

Bright beautiful sunny morning after a good cold shower and hearty healthy breakfast to start the day, decided to head down to the market to get some groceries.  Had blood pressure taken, all were normal and good.  

Weather was scorching hot, just 5 minutes since stepped out of the house was already sweating like just stepped out of the shower dripping from the forehead. Yes it was that hot even though with the cap on. 10 minutes after, was already beginning to feel uncomfortable. Tried and tried to keep it together until the market.  

It was swamped with people busy buying and walking around, left, right, front back , tbere were people rushing, buying. Tried to brave the odds and just kept walking with repeated positive affirmations like, "Its ok. Everything is alright. Its the way a market should be. Breathe and stay calm." Repeatedly like a broken record and suddenly someone rushed passed and that set the first trigger. The weather was still streaking hot. So under the hot sun, crowded market, people rushing .. just that was enough to set ANXI in motion!

The final trigger was the sight of the ambulance! WHAM! Anxi came like a BFF would. All gushed at once .. Heart palpitations, head throb, sweaty hands and feet, racing thoughts, difficulty focusing on the moment. It was so exhausting fighting to stay focus through all those and it felt like the whole body could just shut down and fall there and then!

Rushed to a nearby seat and did some deep breathing.  Tried to reach out to a few people to distract but received cold replies from a few but thankfully among the many two beautiful souls did reply with some positive assurance and that help so much! Thank you beautiful souls. May God bless you. It took about 1 hour to calm down and relax. 

Still the mind raced thinking of a solution how to go home because the legs are wobbly and standing was a challenge.  To continue marketing was a bad idea. So home it was. On the way back home, the mind just could not help to feel so disappointed and angry with self at this new buddy - ANXI that comes and goes as it wish and it is crazy dealing with it. Its so exhausting ..so tiring and the mood for the rest of the day would be ruin! The fear of not knowing when Anxi is gonna come next is disturbing

So this is the new life huh.... and it is de.......press... ing! 

With this.... you tend to look at life with more and more Gratitude for Hope!

Thank God the heart still beats and that is a blessing you cannot NOT be grateful for.

There is hope to get better!