To the market

Bright beautiful sunny morning after a good cold shower and hearty healthy breakfast to start the day, decided to head down to the market to get some groceries.  Had blood pressure taken, all were normal and good.  

Weather was scorching hot, just 5 minutes since stepped out of the house was already sweating like just stepped out of the shower dripping from the forehead. Yes it was that hot even though with the cap on. 10 minutes after, was already beginning to feel uncomfortable. Tried and tried to keep it together until the market.  

It was swamped with people busy buying and walking around, left, right, front back , tbere were people rushing, buying. Tried to brave the odds and just kept walking with repeated positive affirmations like, "Its ok. Everything is alright. Its the way a market should be. Breathe and stay calm." Repeatedly like a broken record and suddenly someone rushed passed and that set the first trigger. The weather was still streaking hot. So under the hot sun, crowded market, people rushing .. just that was enough to set ANXI in motion!

The final trigger was the sight of the ambulance! WHAM! Anxi came like a BFF would. All gushed at once .. Heart palpitations, head throb, sweaty hands and feet, racing thoughts, difficulty focusing on the moment. It was so exhausting fighting to stay focus through all those and it felt like the whole body could just shut down and fall there and then!

Rushed to a nearby seat and did some deep breathing.  Tried to reach out to a few people to distract but received cold replies from a few but thankfully among the many two beautiful souls did reply with some positive assurance and that help so much! Thank you beautiful souls. May God bless you. It took about 1 hour to calm down and relax. 

Still the mind raced thinking of a solution how to go home because the legs are wobbly and standing was a challenge.  To continue marketing was a bad idea. So home it was. On the way back home, the mind just could not help to feel so disappointed and angry with self at this new buddy - ANXI that comes and goes as it wish and it is crazy dealing with it. Its so exhausting ..so tiring and the mood for the rest of the day would be ruin! The fear of not knowing when Anxi is gonna come next is disturbing

So this is the new life huh.... and it is de.......press... ing! 

With this.... you tend to look at life with more and more Gratitude for Hope!

Thank God the heart still beats and that is a blessing you cannot NOT be grateful for.

There is hope to get better! 

More kindness more love!

 

Taken from https://www.wikihow.com/

It’s normal to feel a little anxiety from time to time, but a full-blown panic attack can be a really frightening and overwhelming experience.

It takes a lot, a hell lot for someone to accept that they have anxiety disorder! Not just about anxiety disorder but for someone to accept something is wrong with them just does not seem or feel right. Can you accept it with open arms if you found there is something wrong with you? ... Doubt so right? But Because it is a "disorder" a label it is considered a defect! Failing to realize behind that label is a person, a human being with feelings, with emotions  just like any other delicate soul.  A defected product that failed at quality check. So stereotypes will think that its a handicap, that someone with a disorder is just not normal anymore.  Then again , what is normal? Maybe it is normal to be abnormal? Because evidently we all know that nothing is perfect. So where is the normal in imperfection? So all these labelings and stereotypes are already making acceptance difficult for those who are walking and struggling with that defect.  

Those who are going through the phase will feel inadequate, their self esteem will be dented and the way they see things will be different.  Step 1 to accept is a struggle for them let alone having to face stereotypes and all the name calling.  It is only making them feel worst than they already are.  First they are anxious about their condition, second they get anxious about accepting their condition and third they still have to get anxious to face society with their inadequacy.  OUCH! Don't you think hurts? No it does not hurt physically BUT they are breaking inside... slowly... and its no fun! 

Whether or not one is struggling with depression, anxiety, heart disease, stroke, cancer... no matter what the illnesses maybe.... all these can hurt less with more love and kindness. Less judgements, less name calling ... we can save a live a day! Isn't that magnificent! 

Don't Say "Get Over It!

• Common anxiety signs and symptoms include

• Feeling nervous, restless or tense.
• Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom.
• Having an increased heart rate.
• Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation)
• Sweating.
• Trembling.
• Feeling weak or tired.
• Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry.

These are the physical reactions of the body while going through ANXIETY in theory.

To go through the actual process is another thing! 

Body trembles, rapid heart rate, head throb, sweating, nauseous feeling and it would be so jaded all at once that you would feel like you want to rip your body apart. Now that is ANXI! I just vaguely described my own personal experience of ANXI! The palpitation would feel like your heart is about to pop out of your body! Yes... it sounds crazy but its REAL! IT IS NOT A JOKE! 

While some say it is not a threat but try putting on the shoes of an ANXIETY disorder person for 7 days at the most and feel what they feel and you'll experience the thrill of the roller coaster ride and you'll understand their silent cries in the middle of the night behind their smiles they wear in the day.

Don't say "Get Over It" if you do not plan on extending a helping to help them because that will only add on to the anxiety, ripping them apart literally slowly and it is NOT easy to get over it like popping pain killers!

Next post will be about "The RECOVERY!" after ANXI's visit!

------- Xx

The New Friend - Anxi

 It is such a struggle living with a new friend within yourself! It would be so much easier if its a friendly friend but that's just not the reality! Metaphorically! ....... but maybe, just maybe you can!.  Maybe you can make it friendly by understanding the nature of it... its a matter of time.  Not gonna rule out the possibility! Always try to look at the positive side rather than jumpin before looking at other alternatives.  

Acceptance can sound easy but not really! Easier said than done! But it is possible with lots of support.  Let's open up the mind a little here about support. Support is not about enabling or letting someone to live with false hope or to be dependent on someone or something else other than self... Support is about HOPE. Its about extending that hand to someone who may not be able to see or find the light yet, who maybe drowning in brought daylight or not or who maybe slipping out of life unaware ..... Support is about lighting that another candle for someone else to have hope. To hold on to that rope of hope to a higher power. To God! 

Someone maybe smiling and laughing and wearing all luxury labels on the external but maybe .... just maybe they go home to an empty house, empty dinning room, empty living room, empty bedroom... They maybe crying themselves to sleep every night.  They maybe struggling with pain we know not of, they maybe hurting. They maybe crying in silent and YOU may be the answer to their prayer bridging them to HOPE! Bridging them to themselves! To a higher power may be! You just never know.  With the practise and spreading of kindness and love so loud maybe ... just maybe you can feel that pain that hides behind their smile, behind that many faces that they maybe wearing. Maybe they are looking for HOPE. It really helps to go easy on judgements, on expectations, on stereotyping.  Everyone is going through something! The lesser the energy is put on negatives ... the clearer the vision to love will be!

To love is not only for happy days. Love is also for rainy days.  Call a friend and say hi and check in how they're doing . Don't wait for them to call. Its ok to be the 1st to call. You don't lose anything .. but a friend to gain, a heart will be touch, trust will further blossom... maybe ...just maybe a life will be save! You just never know. As the saying goes... never underestimate the small things.. it maybe small but it may mean the world to another. 💕

Anxi the ANXIETY, is defence mechanism going bonkers! 

Would you? Could you?

 When you've pull through from the shock, healing is another process. It takes effort. It takes energy. The whole process is undeniably exhausting.  You can't really put any blame on anyone because ultimately it is your body, you heart, your brain, your conscious.  Nobody can truly understands unless they have walked or walking on the same path.  

Healing is not only working on the mind but physical too. You can't just help it to be fearful of what comes next.  An abnormality that you just don't know how to accept but you've to accept it anyway.  

Time is the best asset in this situation.  Time can either be your best friend or your enemy.  Plus in this situation you can really see who has your best interest at heart sincerely. You can really see who's helping for the sake of money and who's going to the extra mile from the heart. No matter what the circumstances is ... you do you because only you know your body and your mind and what it needs.  You dont have to play nice all the time. We are not born to be angels nor perfect. We are born with flaws, mistakes, defects, broken... but what matters is what do we do to mend ourselves to get up and keep going.  And this is back to time. Use that time to heal ourselves and get closer to our maker. Ultimately we are created to go back to our maker. That is the end game! It is a process. The trials, the challenges, the pain, the hurt, the happiness, the wealth, everything is a process to who you become while on your ultimate journey in life... Bitter or Better! So self love, divine love is the utmost important! 

You draw boundaries to protect your own healing, your own journey, your own recovery,  yes we do that but we do not control that boundary by putting a double padlock on it.  With the double lock then what happens to humanity, to spreading love, spreading kindness if everything is about boundaries, curfews, rules and boundaries! Where is the freedom? Where is hope? Where is the support? Is hope only available during the confinement within the parameters? So what happen should anything happen outside that boundaries? Isnt humanity created to help one another? Isn't that what merci is all about? Kindness. Is kindness only within the paid boundaries? Other than that ... we are to just roll and wrap up ourselves in the noisy chattering madness in our own mind? Where is the love? 

As it is pain is unexpected, inevitable but suffering is optional. How can one expect someone who is in recovery to set a plan to reach out when you don't even know what's gonna happen the next minute? Be it or not in recovery ... we don't know what's next? We are NOT the writers of our future ... yes we can plan BUT We already know the saying, i plan, you plan, we plan , they plan but at the end of the day God is the best of planner.  For example If you had planned to call someone at 3pm but something unexpected happened before 3pm and the first person that comes to their mind is you ... and maybe that could be a live saving call. Would you reject that call because of your so own self limiting belief on boundaries? Would you left it unanswered? Would you ignore it? OR Would you answer quickly and make sure all is well and cut it short? 

Would you?

Could you? 

When someone is on the path of recovery mending their broken wings  would you, could you expect them to fly immediately?

Would you?

Could you?

Just a reflection..... Last time i checked this is my blog... so would i? Could i? ..... hmmmm 😁 Sure something to ponder about! 

Will you?

 When you are put in a state of sudden shock, your whole being, body and mind will automatically feels electrocuted! Fried! Totally fried!  Your brain! Your heart! Your eyes! Your ears! Your hands! Your legs! Your lips! Your limbs! Your cells! Your whole being!!! It is a normal reaction to danger, the body's fight or flight response that is triggered when you feel threatened, under pressure or facing a challenging situation.

For a second there when the pain is triggered by a certain setting, you will feel like you've lost control of life for a while. It will feel like you're fighting a faceless enemy for your dear life. The pounding heart, the sweating, the headaches, the stomach discomfort, the dizziness, the shortness of breath, the shaking, all that will happen during that moment, that second while you are going through it.  It is so painful you cannot imagine! On top of all those physical pain, you're suck into your emotional turmoil hammering your mental state into another slumber with insecurities dancing around you balling into you fear .... fear of the unknown... fear that you'll never make it through ... everything all happening at once ... drowning you .. drowning you in the deep blue sea ...... worst still you try to reach out .. you try and you try .. and you try.... it feels like nobody can hear you.... people whom you thought understand  you.... couldn't hear or  bother ...... and that would make you keep gasping.... Will you make it ?

Can you?

Will you?

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